2011 SUMMARY OF MY WHOLE YEAR OF DEPLOYMENT, Literally!

As I sit here thinking about 2011, I realize how lucky I have been with this whole 2011 year of deployment. I know I had my emotional up and downs which of course is "normal." But this deployment was different than the last one. I am sure they all are but this time I was involved and lived closer to our Military Community which helps immensely!

I have never wanted a year to fly by so badly but feel bad for the spouses with new babies or children to where their husbands missed out on so much of their little ones. I don't have my own kiddos but even with my dogs, I feel he missed alot. His puppy was barely one when he left and he came home to a much bigger puppy (she was maybe 40lbs and went up to 70lbs)! LOL he missed the chewing stages, the jumping stages, and the emergency visits!

I not only lived around the Military community but also now work for the Army HRCC, so this helped! I have the greatest group of Military Spouses as my circle of friends but also have a wonderful supportive co-workers!!!!

Me and my circle of friends who also were going thru the deployment always made sure we were there for eachother. I never thought I would find a Army BFF but I have (LOVE YA MEGHAN!) We did find out who are real friends are, went thru the hardships of finding out the hardway BUT we did it. I love these girls like my own sisters. I will defend them and be there for them no matter what... SISTERHOOD!! We did something together once a week at least. Friday night Girls Night Out, which included dinner, karaoke, drinks, dancing etc... or to Celebrate a Military birthday (kids and/or adults!). A sponsored Military event on post which included "Right Arms" night, holiday events, 5k/10k events, and events to help raise money for our Brigade! Also, was able to go the Kentucky Down Derby in Louisville, KY, we went to the free Montgomery Gentry Rocks Homefront USO Concert in Louisville, KY and the Horseshoe Casino in Elizabeth, Indiana and enjoyed Paula Deen buffet!

At my work environment, also have a new BFF from work (LOVE YOU JESS!) they all are supportive of my moodiness, lack of sleep mode and my days that I need off to work around his schedule of deployment/R&R!

I will get to rest more and pray these dark circles fade away. I hope to not lose any more hair due to stress of the "unknown." Get myself to the doctors to possibly have surgery on my knee and have him home if I need help. And get myself to the gym to help myself feel better about ME (New Year's Resolution LOL).

This 2011 has been all in all very good to me. Nothing too crazy, he is all in one piece and safe. He was a few days early, he was my Christmas Gift and I do get my New Years KISS!

Hope everyone has a safe Happy New's Years! Remember not all Soldiers are home! #God Bless Our Troops!! And let's start our upcoming New year 2012 right! #Pay It Forward! #Treat Others as you wish to be treated!

Homecoming 2011

I cannot believe it's over. 

I cannot believe this year is almost over.

I cannot believe HE IS HOME!!!

Everyone knows how their last weeks go. But that feeling to get there is so far but so close. Still cannot believe its right there until you finally FINALLY see his face in that sea of uniforms. 

I have so much to say but having a hard time putting it all down in words.  I do know that HE IS HOME! Thank you God for letting him get here a little early for my Christmas gift but he is home!

I know my next blog will be about my journey this year thru this deployment and on how different it was from the first one.  He is sleeping and I just can't seem to stop staring at him, smelling his smell, watching him sleep with our furbabies so peacefully. 

Merry Christmas Everyone and Happy New Year!!!

HIS Texas Star

It's been TOO LONG

Wow, cannot believe I have not been on my blog since Oct.  I guess when I said I was staying busy, I was really busy! lol 

Well, let's see.....November,  I have had our 4 years of being together anniversay =)   many girls night outs on Fridays, and I FINALLY got to go home to Texas after almost 2yrs for 5 days for Thanksgiving!!!!  It was too short but loved seeing all my family, nephews & nieces and BFF.

I have only gotten to hear from my husband once on the phone but get my every so often one line emails, NO COMPLAINTS HERE! Just so very glad that this year has come and gone...IT'S ALMOST OVER!

So for December, I have only one thing on my mind (okay several lol) is to get my house back in order, the Christmas tree and decorations are UP, buy a few gifts for my man, send out Christmas cards and be ready for my Soldier to come home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So, I hope the next time I am on here is to announce the happy homecoming!  I promise I will try not to be stay away too long!

ARMY DRAMA

DRAMA LAMA DING DONG....

I haven't been on in awhile, I have been keeping myself extremely busy.  BUT for some reason have gotten myself surrounded by DRAMA.  I have always heard about it being worse when your are in the Army life but dang.  Why can't we all just get along?! 

I won't get into specifics but what is up with so many having affairs? Especially the ones who have deployed loved ones.  I don't get it.  Yes I understand the year long time frame of being alone BUT your married.  I guess I have been good surrounding myself with some really great women and all of this didn't start until our 8mth in.... BUT wow has a lot of shit come out of the "woodworks."

If this hadn't happened to our close knit circle, I don't think it would have hurt so much.  Not only has this infidelity ruined trust among us BUT worse the children who have become so close as well. You come to a point of so many lies that you have to cut them off.  

                  ***SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE WHO WILL UPLIFT WITH POSITIVE ENERGY! ***

then, you have someone who presents herself as "privileged" due to rank.  thinks that she should be in conversations or in the "in" circle.  I didn't know there was a "in" circle.  Really?  Why do these girls feel that showing off or acting a fool is gonna help their "status" of being accepted??? 

I admit, I belong to a close group of ladies who I call them MY friends who are very accepting of meeting and hanging around other families... BUT don't think you can come into our protective circle and start mouthing off the wrong things and expect someone not to get defensive and protect our own.  AND for the Love of GOD do not think your husbands rank is gonna save you! Your only making it worse. 

***THE STRENGTH OF A FAMILY, LIKE THE STRENGTH OF AN ARMY, IS IN ITS LOYALTY TO EACH OTHER.***

..then there is this one person who for some reason always comes up in discussions a "local" who does not have the best of reputations or runs around with the best of people.... you try to be nice and cordial BUT when you have the reputation as THE ONE that ONLY wants to be with a man for his rank and tags, THEN it becomes a problem. STAY AWAY FROM OUR GUYS.  Don't get all huffy and puffy when you are approached with your inappropriate behavior.  Don't start threatening our Military Families and Men who are currently deployed when your laundry is being aired out all over post!  We all know you have one mission to marry into the Army Life for benefits and your so called allusion of security you think comes with it.  Her nickname well known in our brigade as "tag chaser" and her fitting the whole stereo type of a "barracks rat" (both of which i had to look up online to find out what they meant lol) fits her personality and description to a "T."

***KARMA IS A BITCH, WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND!***

SOOOO, out with the old and IN with the new.  No more drama. Block and Deleted from Facebook. No more responding to text messages or emails... YOUR NOT Worth waisting my time.

#endvent    =)

Each Night...

hello there again night time.  oh how i dread you.

sleepy but the second i lay down, i am WIDE awake.

thinking about YOU, hoping you were able to have a hot meal, were able to sleep more than an hour and most of all IF you are safe.

...AND i think about you each night and always it ends with tears.  tears of sadness that you are NOT here, tears of fear of where you are, happy tears that i am so proud you chose me to be your wife and tears of loneliness that you are NOT there PERIOD.

each night as i lay there i say, "good night baby, i love and miss you." 

Each Night.

..JUST THAT ONE CHANCE

..it seems that being in the Military life and going thru a deployment that everyone around me is PREGNANT. Pre-deployment pregnancy, R&R pregnancy, and after deployment pregnancy.

..i don't remember being around so much pregnancy people in my life. BUT at the same time, several people back home around "my" age are pregnant also, so that gives me so much HOPE that it CAN happen to me.

..this is just another emotional roller coaster to add to the many other emotions you have during a "normal" deployment but at times its very overwhelming.

..i always say when is it going to be MY turn? but i know the answer, i know what i have to do to get that chance. BUT reality sucks. to have invetro is so expensive and i have Military insurance and at "my" age I am not covered for any of the expenses to be paid (believe me, i have already done the research and asked). so what does this mean? it means that for us to have that one chance of having our own little bundle of joy, it means that its out of OUR pocket. YEP, so between my little job that barely pays for our little bills and him working in the Army (which everyone in the Army knows we don't get paid shit) which barely pays for the bigger bills, we live pay check to pay check!

..so now I have decided to sell as much stuff as I can in this house for garage sales. DOWNSIZE LOL and also try to sell as much as i possibly can with my Scentsy business and NOT spend my commission. i know i can do this. BUT i am not getting any younger. i am 40 for Goshsakes!

..i want so bad to give my husband a child, his name sake, to give him a family. and i know if he reads this he will say that he has his family (me, him and our two furbabies) and if it stays this way then he is just fine with that. he is so supportive and i love him for always making me feel so good about our little life BUT i feel like i am missing something. and its a feeling that i have to fight with myself everyday on this cause my whole adult life i have wanted a baby.

..i have never been pregnant. i dont know what that feels like. i have however had many surgeries and have scars to prove that. some minor, some major and one life threatening. i have had things that are hard to talk about, been pretty hard on my family too.

..i can do this IF God has this planned for me. IF NOT, then we will adopt. i am OK with that, just want that one chance to try and do it on our own (with a little medical help of course).

..JUST THAT ONE CHANCE is all i ask.

..Rest & Recuperation

....Rest & Recuperation

...it was a wonderful 2 weeks of rest and recuperation. We did exactly what HE wanted and for that I am afraid there will be backlash for later.

...All he wanted to do was be home, he didn't want to travel, he didn't want to be around too many people, he didn't want to be forced to do anything he didn't want to do and I made sure he got what he wanted. He rarely drove-- which is ODD cause he loves his jeep but this time, he didn't want to. He was asked to "hang"out but he just didn't want to. He wanted to stay at home in the AC, be in the same room as me with his dogs at each side, watching his SYFY, Discovery, Military etc.. channels, being on his laptop downloading his stuff.... doing exactly what HE wanted to do.

...this rest and recuperation was much more different than last time. No traveling, No family, No rushing around here and there. I tried to get him to call his family, I tried to get him to hang with his buddies BUT he didn't want to. This time he slept in (which is very unusual), he did a few things around the house, went to game stop, the gun shop, and surplus stores a few times each. We went out to eat and watched movies several times. We were lazy around the house, in eachothers arms, watchin' Shark Week LOL... he sang karaoke and EVEN agreed to have pictures taken (which he hates by the way)...

...for all of that, I have no regrets. I know some will blame me. It's inevitable, I'm the other half, his side-kick, his wife... I hope all will understand that this deployment, this R&R is so much more different this time around. I feel like he is still healing and for some reason he is or has been withdrawing himself from things, discussions, friends and family. I am not sure if it is about not wanting to talk about certain things, not wanting to answer questions, to deal with "it?" I am not sure but I will not force it, otherwise he gets mad. so this time around we did what he wanted.

..it was the best 2 weeks. we both needed it.

..For Some Reason, Sundays make me miss him more

..for some reason Sunday's always make me miss him more always trying to keep myself so very busy and for some reason, Sunday's always seem to make me miss him more. it's more like Sunday blues. sleeping late, drinking coffee, watching movies, being lazy with our fur babies, snuggling and my glass of wine..... and missing my sweetheart.

..the more you do, the more you go..go..go..go...Then all of a sudden you eventually CRASH with emotions. go to my room and just have my own pity party. UGH

i do admit that i have become a disgruntled military wife where everything or everyone gets on my nerves or makes me mad with stupid comments. i do have to count to ten and to not punch somebody. its not their fault that "they" don't understand. kind of like i am going thru the 7 stages of deployment...

..rambling for the day #SCREAM

..haven't posted in awhile. let's see... work, nephew, out with the girls on a friday night, work, feed the nephew and so on and so on........

anybody get to a point in deployment where you want to just SCREAM at the top of your lungs? people get on my nerves, work is getting to me where i dont want to go anymore, certain friends who say they are your friends you just want to #slap, being away from your loved ones drives you crazy, not having a sex life (sorry tmi but DAMMIT), and not being able to lose this damn weight i have gained since we moved here. i feel like i am in a rut. stuck. time isnt going fast enough and it makes me want to #SCREAM.

i know i am not the only one that gets this way. but geeze. i gotta get outta this funk.

On a better note: Happy 236th Birthday Army! Hooah! Also, it's Flag Day!!!!

..Memorial Day

..well, it's Memorial Day weekend and I just don't have the "spirit" as everyone else does. I did get to leave work early and I did have happy hour drinks with my friend, but still no excitement about the extended weekend (yet). It will be 6 months without the love of my life and it has been taking a toll on my emotions. I miss him so very much and I "on purpose" did not make any big plans so I can relax this weekend. I wish I was home back in Texas with my loved ones. :(

I hope everyone remembers what this weekend, this Memorial Day is truly about. I think its great to have a extra day off work, some have a day off of school, great sales at the stores, bbq's, etc... Memorial Day Weekend, ask any Military Families who has lost a family member to a war or a person who has a loved one overseas and they will most likely tell you that Memorial Day is not a celebration. Its not a happy day. It was not intended to be the unofficial start to summer or a big day for race fans. Its a somber occasion meant to HONOR the men and women who have died in service for our country. GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS!

May Part 1

THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR MAY SO FAR......

....in the Month of May, I have gone to a birthday party one of many with my Army Family, my very first Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs, participated in my first Relay for Life (crazy hat lap) and walked the 10K for the Red Cross (my 2nd 10K)!!!! And this is just the first part of the month! Can't wait to see what the second half has in store for me!

I am the Wife of an American Soldier

..now i can talk about it

well, its been a week or so and i think i can finally "talk" about IT. the thing that happened to me last week that somehow got so out of control and caused a domino effect.....

SOOOOOO, it somehow started with my husband calling me as i was getting ready for work a.m. (which by the way, it way out of the norm). there was something so different in his voice, i picked up on it right away. hubby: "baby, i just want you to know that i am over here at this FOB, there was an incident with an IED and i am okay. i just wanted you to know before you get phone calls from the frg or something." me: "OKAY? are you sure you are okay?" hubby: "yes, baby i am fine. i gotta go, i love you baby..talk to you later." AND, that was it. hmmmm, i thought. i proceeded to get myself ready for work. STILL thinking of his words, his tone, the difference in his voice.

..i went to work, it was a normal crazy day. for some reason i decided to go outside for my 10 min break (which i never do) and i got a call from rear d. his words were "serious injured bracket" and less than "so many meters." (details left out of course).... BUT this was NOT what i had heard about from my husband. IF it was nothing then WHY was i going to getting a few more calls about his "injuries?" WHOA WHOA WHOA, HOLD UP!? my co-worker consoled me and said that "i am sure your husband didn't want to worry you." okay, true that is totally my husband. this is when panic started to settle in... heart racing, hot in the face, someone said my face was white as a sheet, now... a asthma attack feeling. well, got sick in the bathroom. almost didn't make it, then the tears started and wouldn't stop. my mind was going a hundred miles a minute. so i went home early. talked to some of my army girlfriends to calm down. settle down the reaction i was having.

..as i was driving home, i knew the second i saw his name that somehow he got a phone call too... my FIL. yep, my FIL got the same phone call and was yelling, upset, reacting as i knew he would. he should have NOT gotten the call but he did. long story short. somehow someway the company we have been with, same brigade, etc... had our emergency contact from the last deployment before we were married. and mind you, my husband has changed that thing 3 times since then! GRRRRRRRRR... SO i got to hear him yelling (my FIL) about how "we shouldn't be over there anyway, our stupid government,. yada yada yada... got off the phone with him... he had me shaking all over again. dammit.

..so got home, went on with my normal evening schedule. take care of dogs, start dinner, feed my nephew, etc... and then my "next" phone call from the Army. CMAOC (casualty), really? all i really got on this phone call was he was "stable condition" having headaches and ears ringing, oh and pain medication monitored. okay, freak out mode AGAIN! and at this point i ask the gentleman, is my FIL going to be called also. "YES Ma'am, he and "Mom" both are on the list per the Soldier's request. so i knew not to call since they both would get the same phone calls. next thing, his mom (not biological) calls me so very upset crying. i tell her to please remain calm. he is okay. i know in my heart he is okay (but wanting to scream myself). we just have to wait for that next phone call.

something made me call his biological mom.. GOSH I am so glad i did! the FIL had went and told her all of the horrible extreme stories that he was critical, not gonna make it, going to Germany... DO WHAT????????? so had to put that emotional fire out! HE IS FINE.

so, as i am nervously and stressing myself to death. i look online and i see my FIL telling everyone that his son was hit with a IED, lost his hearing, heading to Germany, please pray for his son... "after this, he will be pulled off the front line and will be behind a desk." ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME!? i got so upset that i got off line. i was in NO mood to confront him, nor did i want to start anything with the man.

..next day (24 hours later).... still have not heard from him. i did not go to work. i wanted to wait for that next phone call. afternoon comes and i FINALLY get to hear his voice. he is FINE, no scratch, feet never left the ground, and was living it large in the "5 star hotel" at the nice FOB lmao... he said "baby, i had headaches cause i had been on back to back missions in the heat and my ears have been ringing since last deployment!" OF COURSE! i told him all about my phone calls, from the Army to his family, to the constant emails and fbook messages to a phone call in the middle of night from his friends who were so worried about him cause of what his father put online. at this point he was so mad. so my sweet husband said not to worry about it all that he would take care of it. SOOOOO, I went on with my day, got some things done, felt so much lighter and relieved!

..well that night his dad called me and was asking me if i had heard from him, why hasn't he gotten a phone call, the Army told him that he was suppose to call the family (oh crap)... so i explained that he did call me, i said that maybe he didn't have time, he is fine and should be back to his unit asap.. interrupted by FIL with "they said he was to stay and be observed for a few days" and i tried to explain that nothing was ever wrong with him that he had the headaches from this and that and his ears have been ringing since last deployment, i told him that he should not have put all that stuff on the Internet, he scared and worried so many people and none of what he had put was true... well that didn't sit well with him. he then yelled that his mother wasn't getting a phone call and i told him that i have called her each time we got the phone call from the Army.. THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH HIM EITHER! he didn't like the fact that i was in contact with her and he got pissed off and hung up on me.

..so i sent my husband an email to explain all of this. he later replied and said not to worry about it, he was sorry... WELL, what i did not know was that he (FIL) for a day and a half was sending my husband emails about me. basically, he went off about how i treated him bad. i NEVER treated him bad, was never rude to him BUT only called him out for saying lies on the Internet and was talking to his EX (enemy)... and to make it worse, he called me racially offensive words that i have never been called before. all the time while my husband is in afghanistan fighting for our country, he has been having to deal with a crazy emails attacking his wife. my husband didn't want to tell me but he finally did after the fact that his father "disowned" him for "disgracing the family by marrying my kind" and other things.

..HOW DID IT GET THIS FAR? i don't understand and i don't get it. i am a good person. i know i have to let this go but it's his father. this somehow in time i hope will all work itself out. right? UGH

..rain rain and more rain

Rain, Rain and more Rain....

well, today seems to be a blah day and after the "oh NO" day from yesterday, It's NOT helping my mood at all. I tried to sleep in but my sweet little daddy's girl princess decided she had to go at 7am lol. Off and on storm showers, talking to my friend did help some. I am still in my sleeping clothes, haven't even started on house cleaning, and am STILL on this computer! lol

I didn't sleep very well last night. My nephew stayed over a friends house so I had the whole house to myself, which didn't mean anything. I didn't do anything. Man this weather has me thinking and singing the yuckies today.

Also, I guess I am more annoyed with how fake some people are (WOW that is out of left field). It's really sad how for some people to feel wanted or love they have to be fake. OH and don't think I don't know you "talk" about me behind my back. I know who my real friends are, you don't have to be "nice" to me cause you feel "sorry" for me.

and... if a "man" brags about having money, then that means he has NOTHING! (this is going out to someone I love) Wake UP, RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!

thought: I can hear the birds singing #it's all about the little things.

Spring time: allergies, green grass, warmer temps and rain, rain and more rain!

What's On MY Mind...

• ..WHAT'S ON MY MIND? hmmm, so many things are clogging up my thoughts right now. First of course is the obvious, my husband is deployed. DUH! joking aside, I am bothered by all of this Government shut down. When it all started to come about, I was told it happens every few years and sometimes it doesn't even affect us, sometimes it doesn't happen, oh and one time it lasted 21 days....


• SOOOOO, now that I am married to an Active Duty Soldier, surrounded by the life and the Army AND work on post. Yep. It's affected me all the way around! I said to myself, "oh, don't worry. It will all be okay (famous words my husband tells me on a daily basis)." But now, I am having doubts. It's constantly on the news, on my facebook feed, my twitter timeline, my fellow army blogs (see, its contagious) and well, pretty much everywhere right now. UGH, stop torching us. Pass the damn Bill and let us move on... Really not all of us (military families) get paid the big $$$. We truly are living check to check. We budget, we use coupons, we buy generics, we do what we have to do to make our little paycheck last! So hurry up and make a decision cause I have something more serious to worry about... my husband is defending YOUR FREEDOM! #sigh... #deep breath...


• OK. now, next thing on my mind. Really sad that I am so far away from my family. So many things going on, ugh. My younger cousin lost his first child :( this past week. No known cause yet but he was 4mths old, so my heart aches for him. Also, step dad in hospital and levels for diabetes are off the chart to where he crashed in the hospital. I could name a couple more things but I won't...


• On to the next thing, I cannot believe Pia got kicked off of American Idol! OY lol well I can think of so many more things on my mind, but I will keep those for later. ;)

..one of my favorite quotes (what's yours?)

.."I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City.

..one of my favorite quotes, what's yours?

..SLEEP... wow!

Today I was woken up by my nephew, he says "are you alright?" I replied, "yea, I'm okay why?" he says, "cause it's 1p o'clock!"

Wtheck!? I cannot believe I slept in so late AND I actually slept! I truly woke up and felt that I could have slept a few more hours. My eyes are still puffy, I am still drinking coffee, still feeling groggy BUT I so needed that extra sleep. I haven't slept like that in months! This past week has been very long, emotional, stressful and didn't end fast enough.

Work has been a nightmare, already difficult working for the Army and then add a negative co-worker is the icing on the cake or is it the tip of the iceberg? ADD the whole insomnia thing from deployment and this girl who has already been emotional (which i was before) and depressed AND exhausted (this list could really go on and on...) But for some reason, this week has been rough. I think I had figured I was barely getting about 4 hours of sleep, some nights maybe less than that.

Missing your Soldier, your best friend, your husband is really hard in itself. Always worrying about him, always wanting to know if he is getting enough food, sleep, mail, etc.. Its what we do. Being apart from him is not easy but WE do our best to keep this side of the water going, keepin ourselves busy, and makin sure its all the same when he gets home.

So SANDMAN, thank you for helping me get some ZZZZZZZ's. It was nice of you to visit! I hope this means you will visit me more often.

..staying busy but not busy enough

..i am sure all of us say the exact same thing..."staying busy but not busy enough." i have been keeping myself busy every weekend, i look at the calendar and its STILL March??? wth? this long month is NOT helping my time go by. 4 year old birthday here, 5 year old birthday there, happy hour a few times, over to friends houses, movie nights, etc... STILL March. what does a girl have to do to make it go faster!!!!!!

i have been mailing out care packages, buying more stuff for care packages, putting together scentsy catalogs and mailing them out. UGH so exhausting to trying to keep oneself BUSY.

well, i somehow got myself signed up for Relay for Life and Red Cross 5k (great for my exercise and on the same weekend, OY wish me luck on that! lol) and two great causes!

spring break is next month for my nephew. gotta do something for him that week (but i still have to work).

now i am just rambling... COME ON TIME tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock........

..perfect timing

..got a long awaited phone call from my sweet Goose today. as we were talking, the door bell rang and it was fedex. Talk about perfect timing!!! he sent me these beautiful flowers and a teddy bear! i couldn't have asked for a more wonderful husband! i love you baby!

i don't get to hear from him as often as some others do but when he does call, i am so very thankful and blessed to hear his voice, he seems to always say the right things to me and does things like this!!! thank you God for sending him into my life!

..gotta keep going

well, another month down, whew. that was a tough one. noticing that i am NOT that emotional as i was. so this month has started off okay... have a teacher/parent (guardian lol) conference, going to see a new baby this weekend, go hang out with a friend for drinks maybe, and then not really sure BUT maybe just MAYBE try to sleep for once or a little bit MORE!

i did get more care packages mailed out today so my sweet Soldier will be happy if he ever gets them.. i have sent 4 and he has only received 2, so maybe by May? he might get them lol...

the New season for Scentsy has started! so that has me really busy at this time. I now have two people on my lil team and then one of them has a person on their team. i believe this is going to be a great season for us all! gotta mail out new catalogs!!! busy busy

i have paid all of my bills for February LOL so i feel good about that. i got my bday gift from my sister and my Christmas present from my dad and step mom lmao i know, i know... but i got it! it couldn't have come in a better time, a really nice wallet (mine had busted at the seams and was ripped lol). OH and i FINALLY got my earrings back from my sisters. Damn i have missed them! (my earrings lol just kidding!)

haven't gotten to talk to my Soldier but a few emails here and there is so much better than nothing! i miss him every second of the day. R&R cannot come fast enough! (i love you honey!)

baby blues

it's really hard being around so many sweet babies... i have longed for one of my own so long and feel likes its a dream that i am chasing. baby blues are here again... my age is one big battle of course along with my own fertifily problems but i want one so bad. money has always been the main obstacle of getting that one chance to have it. this is the the thing that i want and i know i would be good at it. until then. i will keep dreaming, wishing upon that star and working really hard this year on my scentsy so make that money to get my chance!

President's Day

Well I'm off today for President's Day and so far has been a really nice day. I still had to get my nephew off to school this morning at the same time and for some genius reason I scheduled a dentist appointment this morning at 9am. Anyone knows me I have the biggest fear of going, but I did pretty good. After that I went to take my written drivers test and I passed! lol 2nd times a charm...ALL OF A SUDDEN, getting flashbacks to 1987 being 16 and having to take it more than once... :-) my Soldier, I am sure is smiling as he reads this! (and i DID get to hear his sexy voice yesterday!!)

Chillin at home, windows opened (first time this new year) 64 degrees, no sun but its nice for a change, washing clothes, gonna do some dishes and vacuum the floors! I am on it today! Ugh need to go to the grocery story but i don't wanna... oh well. Today is a good day! Have a great President's Day off!

can't shake it off

..its just been a really emotional week for me and i can't seem to shake it off. not hearing from him is hard enough but then to throw a rough week at work, and other things all mixed up just makes it feels like i'm crashing. i STILL cry every night at bedtime but now seem to cry at the drop of a hat. (like now watching Oprah and dammit i'm crying lol) UGH

i'm tired, i am not sleeping, but have a hard time getting myself out of bed and just wish i could not do anything. but i continue my life like i'm suppose to. i wish i could hear his voice when i need it but know that where he is, it's not possible. i miss him very much.

valentine hum bug

well, my thoughts seem to be swirling today. i think it might have been my day at work. i got to talk to a POW from WWII and his stories make me so very proud to be an Army Wife. it made me miss my sweet SO just that much more. each day i am surrounded by Military life and some days its not so bad but like today, it was one of "those" days. when you miss someone this bad it does hurt.

it's amazing how we look on the outside... smiles, laughs, staying active and so on... but deep down and always at night time it gets to me.

i think i am frustrated cause first, it's Valentine's Weekend. second and really the main reason is that his time to use the phone, internet and showers is all on a "scheduled" time. so basically, if they are on missions etc.. and they miss their time, they have to wait every few days to try again. so basically its goes weeks for me not to hear his voice (yes i know it happens), i always seem to miss him emails by less than an hour, i work so i can't get his calls cause my phone doesnt work in the building, and on and on and on.... talked to another wife and she seemed to be annoyed that hers it at a place where he gets to be on the phone everyday and she seemed to be bothered by it! really? it was like she was talking to him too much or something. i would love to hear his voice everyday! and not getting to shower on his "scheduled" time cause he is out doing his job. that really makes me mad. almost a month and no shower when he can get one but since its not a good time he can't? UGH. i could be really more mad at myself for not staying up and or hearing his emails alerts.

and i had read an email someone had sent me, it's "things not to say to a Military spouse/wife" and people do seem to say dumb things that rub ya wrong. i guess i had too many of the dumb things said and now i'm in a bad mood. it sure doesn't help. i know this whole stupid bah hum bug feeling will go away...when i can hear from him =)

so everyone else have a better Valentine's weekend...

Birthday Weekend

This weekend has truly been a blast! Still can't believe that I am 40 years old, I don't "feel" it at all! I wasn't really sure how it was all gonna work out with my variety of friends that I have made here in KY and my ft. hood ladies but there were no problems and it all worked out great!

Friday, I went into work with a balloon on my chair, desk decorated and my sweet friend made me a homemade Birthday cake and brought me a present. Another coworker who hasn't even been there long brought me the cutest little coffee cup with beautiful flowers in it! I got a card from all coworkers and we happen to get pizza from our bosses to celebrate the Superbowl weekend so Free food LOL...

My phone does not work in our building so at lunch time I had noticed that my husband tried to call. I was so upset cause I had just missed it by 2 minutes. I tried to go by the exit door to get service and my boss found me saying I had a call (so confused and scared cause I never get calls like that).... but my sweet SOLDIER was so determined to talk to me on my birthday he called my emergency number I gave him before he left to my HR supervisor. I am so glad they were understanding and so happy that I got to hear his voice. I love that man so much! He made my day! At that moment, I decided NO ONE was going to ruin my weekend! Hey, my husband said I could have the whole month if I wanted too lol I might take him up on that!

After work, I went to happy hour with 2 coworkers and a wife, then my military couple bff came and had a great time. I laughed so much and knew this is exactly what I needed! But then as I started my way home, it started... my emotions just went nuts and I cried so hard. UGH, I wiped away my tears before I walked in my door cause I didn't want my nephew to see....

So, when I got home, my SWEET 17yr old nephew surprised me with some flowers and a sweet card! Ugh I love that kid! I cried like a big ol baby.. he didn't have to do that. That kid is so thoughtful and I am so very lucky to have him living with me!

So Saturday night I met my military wives and the 5 of us went out for sushi! lol of course! Then we went to a local bar and it was fun, we gotta dance! But of course living in a dry county, this little country club bar closed at midnight and we were not ready to end our night. SOOOOO, we went back to post and decided to try our local bar. UGHGHGH, needless to say it was GHETTO! Not ghetto fabulous but ghetto in what we saw girls wearing. And realized that more locals seem to go there. BUT WHY THE HELL IS IT THAT THEY STAY OPEN TIL 4AM? really? Couldn't believe it. We ended up staying in a corner and playing pool, people watched, saw some Officer wives wearing crazy outfits, doing stuff I'm embarrassed to say, and saw some I knew that I wanted to say, UM, NO Ma'am! Needless to say, we wont be going back there! We went back to my friends house and snacked on our left overs from the Sushi place and ended the night! I had a great time!

Today, I am hanging out with my nephew, washin clothes, cleaning the house some, and later watching the Superbowl! Love that its in Texas! Woop Woop! Hope everyone has had a great weekend!

My Party...

..this is suppose to be the best week for me but all i can think about is NOT being able to speak to my best friend now for now over 3 weeks. this is MY week. i am so tired of everyone telling me to be strong. seriously? haven't i been strong? can't i express my sulky, sad, not happy feelings if i want to? i guess i sound like a broken record and i'm sure i'm getting on some peoples nerves but SHIT, it's my birthday dammit and i want to speak to my husband! i think i'm entitled to be a "bah hum bug" for my own party!


..this isn't just any birthday, this is my 40th birthday. the big one that i would love to share with my man. YES, i am having my little pity party but hey i'm allowed. i have plans to hang out with some co-workers and army wives. so i won't be alone. i am going to make the best of it.

and....i got a call this morning! all worries are OUT THE WINDOW! whoo hooo! it's My Party weekend, my birthday and I am going to have fun no matter what!

We Need Telepathy STAT!

Well it has been 12 days since my last phone call, 14 days since my last email... and I have really been trying to send him mental thoughts. I wish we were both gifted with Telepathy...

I'm at the point where I think I want to rush home and tell him how my day went or doing one of my "samisms" as he calls it. and he would shake his head in "I can't believe she did it but not surprised LOOK." This whole first month time frame is suppose to be the hardest and dang those women are right!

Getting an email from FRG stating that our Soldiers are at a FOB that doesn't have running water or waiting on plumbing parts, non working Internet and phones but have a technician coming from the states to help fix it AND WILL TAKE A FEW WEEKS OR A MONTH to get working is not what a spouse wants to here. SOooooooo my point of it all is that we need Telepathy STAT! Cause I hope my sweet Soldier knows, hears... my thoughts and prayers...

I know he won't be able to read this for awhile, but I love you baby, sweet dreams. XOXOXO

SOULFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Soulful Relationship

By Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.'Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults is not really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, deceitfulness, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

Q. What keeps a relationship strong?

Answer: Communication, intimacy ( not sex ), trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, a shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note), sharing common goals and interests. Leave a nice message on their voice mail or send a nice email.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together.

Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain will replace the passion. "Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.' The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8.

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight?You should always try to be a little more kind to each other than necessary. The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the 'I'.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

A Tribute: The One He Fights For ...

..someone posted this on Facebook and said she posted for me. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I have... I laughed and cried all in the same moment!...

by Alexis Jovan Chervony

Keepin Busy

Well I went out on my first "Girls Night Out" for a fellow Army wife's Bday.

I had a great time and so glad I "forced" myself out. I got all dressed up (which is a very rare).

We went out to a local Japanese Steakhouse... had YUMMY sushi, Japanese beer, SakiBombs, hibachi grill meal, and was with great friends! Afterwards we went to a Mexican restaurant (i know i know but not many choices where we live to go that stay open til midnight) and we had a few more drinks. Its a place where our friend can karaoke too! I laughed alot and needed it!

..night time isn't my friend

....i'm starting to dread the night time life.

it seems like when i am extremely tired the second i lay down, i start to cry. i can still smell HIS smell on his pillow. i miss him so much. i think about it him every second but at night its rough. i cannot wait to hear his voice. i think this is why i am not sleeping well, cause i am afraid im going to miss his phone call. i feel like i am up at least 6 to 8 times during the night. last night, i know i was up at 4 and from there all morning until the alarm went off. im so tired and don't want to get out of the bed but know i must. my nephew lives with me and must for him, then go to work and do my best for others. ive been through this, i know it might be awhile until we get our own little routine but until then this sux.

to think, to NOT see your soulmate, best friend, lover, husband, spouse for 350 days out of 365 days in a year (that's 15 days given to you for R&R). UGH. so my countdown has begun. IS IT 2012 yet? lol

until then my sweet soldier...

No matter where we are, we will always be looking at the same stars.

Our First Day of the New Year

Well this is what we did together on the first Day of January...Jeep Wheelin' or as my husband calls is "Ridin Dirty." We are the blue Jeep second to last in this picture.

This was my first time to go ridin' with him and I am so glad I did! We had such a great time and he was so happy that I went!

Our Jeep did not touch pavement for over 11 hours and I got to see parts of Kentucky (was in 4 counties that day). I can actually say, I have been in the BackWoods of Kentucky! lol

And, this is the view of when we were heading home... priceless.