Sunday, August 14, 2011

..JUST THAT ONE CHANCE seems that being in the Military life and going thru a deployment that everyone around me is PREGNANT. Pre-deployment pregnancy, R&R pregnancy, and after deployment pregnancy.

..i don't remember being around so much pregnancy people in my life. BUT at the same time, several people back home around "my" age are pregnant also, so that gives me so much HOPE that it CAN happen to me.

..this is just another emotional roller coaster to add to the many other emotions you have during a "normal" deployment but at times its very overwhelming.

..i always say when is it going to be MY turn? but i know the answer, i know what i have to do to get that chance. BUT reality sucks. to have invetro is so expensive and i have Military insurance and at "my" age I am not covered for any of the expenses to be paid (believe me, i have already done the research and asked). so what does this mean? it means that for us to have that one chance of having our own little bundle of joy, it means that its out of OUR pocket. YEP, so between my little job that barely pays for our little bills and him working in the Army (which everyone in the Army knows we don't get paid shit) which barely pays for the bigger bills, we live pay check to pay check! now I have decided to sell as much stuff as I can in this house for garage sales. DOWNSIZE LOL and also try to sell as much as i possibly can with my Scentsy business and NOT spend my commission. i know i can do this. BUT i am not getting any younger. i am 40 for Goshsakes!

..i want so bad to give my husband a child, his name sake, to give him a family. and i know if he reads this he will say that he has his family (me, him and our two furbabies) and if it stays this way then he is just fine with that. he is so supportive and i love him for always making me feel so good about our little life BUT i feel like i am missing something. and its a feeling that i have to fight with myself everyday on this cause my whole adult life i have wanted a baby.

..i have never been pregnant. i dont know what that feels like. i have however had many surgeries and have scars to prove that. some minor, some major and one life threatening. i have had things that are hard to talk about, been pretty hard on my family too.

..i can do this IF God has this planned for me. IF NOT, then we will adopt. i am OK with that, just want that one chance to try and do it on our own (with a little medical help of course).

..JUST THAT ONE CHANCE is all i ask.

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