Friday, April 22, 2011 i can talk about it

well, its been a week or so and i think i can finally "talk" about IT. the thing that happened to me last week that somehow got so out of control and caused a domino effect.....

SOOOOOO, it somehow started with my husband calling me as i was getting ready for work a.m. (which by the way, it way out of the norm). there was something so different in his voice, i picked up on it right away. hubby: "baby, i just want you to know that i am over here at this FOB, there was an incident with an IED and i am okay. i just wanted you to know before you get phone calls from the frg or something." me: "OKAY? are you sure you are okay?" hubby: "yes, baby i am fine. i gotta go, i love you to you later." AND, that was it. hmmmm, i thought. i proceeded to get myself ready for work. STILL thinking of his words, his tone, the difference in his voice.

..i went to work, it was a normal crazy day. for some reason i decided to go outside for my 10 min break (which i never do) and i got a call from rear d. his words were "serious injured bracket" and less than "so many meters." (details left out of course).... BUT this was NOT what i had heard about from my husband. IF it was nothing then WHY was i going to getting a few more calls about his "injuries?" WHOA WHOA WHOA, HOLD UP!? my co-worker consoled me and said that "i am sure your husband didn't want to worry you." okay, true that is totally my husband. this is when panic started to settle in... heart racing, hot in the face, someone said my face was white as a sheet, now... a asthma attack feeling. well, got sick in the bathroom. almost didn't make it, then the tears started and wouldn't stop. my mind was going a hundred miles a minute. so i went home early. talked to some of my army girlfriends to calm down. settle down the reaction i was having. i was driving home, i knew the second i saw his name that somehow he got a phone call too... my FIL. yep, my FIL got the same phone call and was yelling, upset, reacting as i knew he would. he should have NOT gotten the call but he did. long story short. somehow someway the company we have been with, same brigade, etc... had our emergency contact from the last deployment before we were married. and mind you, my husband has changed that thing 3 times since then! GRRRRRRRRR... SO i got to hear him yelling (my FIL) about how "we shouldn't be over there anyway, our stupid government,. yada yada yada... got off the phone with him... he had me shaking all over again. dammit. got home, went on with my normal evening schedule. take care of dogs, start dinner, feed my nephew, etc... and then my "next" phone call from the Army. CMAOC (casualty), really? all i really got on this phone call was he was "stable condition" having headaches and ears ringing, oh and pain medication monitored. okay, freak out mode AGAIN! and at this point i ask the gentleman, is my FIL going to be called also. "YES Ma'am, he and "Mom" both are on the list per the Soldier's request. so i knew not to call since they both would get the same phone calls. next thing, his mom (not biological) calls me so very upset crying. i tell her to please remain calm. he is okay. i know in my heart he is okay (but wanting to scream myself). we just have to wait for that next phone call.

something made me call his biological mom.. GOSH I am so glad i did! the FIL had went and told her all of the horrible extreme stories that he was critical, not gonna make it, going to Germany... DO WHAT????????? so had to put that emotional fire out! HE IS FINE.

so, as i am nervously and stressing myself to death. i look online and i see my FIL telling everyone that his son was hit with a IED, lost his hearing, heading to Germany, please pray for his son... "after this, he will be pulled off the front line and will be behind a desk." ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME!? i got so upset that i got off line. i was in NO mood to confront him, nor did i want to start anything with the man. day (24 hours later).... still have not heard from him. i did not go to work. i wanted to wait for that next phone call. afternoon comes and i FINALLY get to hear his voice. he is FINE, no scratch, feet never left the ground, and was living it large in the "5 star hotel" at the nice FOB lmao... he said "baby, i had headaches cause i had been on back to back missions in the heat and my ears have been ringing since last deployment!" OF COURSE! i told him all about my phone calls, from the Army to his family, to the constant emails and fbook messages to a phone call in the middle of night from his friends who were so worried about him cause of what his father put online. at this point he was so mad. so my sweet husband said not to worry about it all that he would take care of it. SOOOOO, I went on with my day, got some things done, felt so much lighter and relieved!

..well that night his dad called me and was asking me if i had heard from him, why hasn't he gotten a phone call, the Army told him that he was suppose to call the family (oh crap)... so i explained that he did call me, i said that maybe he didn't have time, he is fine and should be back to his unit asap.. interrupted by FIL with "they said he was to stay and be observed for a few days" and i tried to explain that nothing was ever wrong with him that he had the headaches from this and that and his ears have been ringing since last deployment, i told him that he should not have put all that stuff on the Internet, he scared and worried so many people and none of what he had put was true... well that didn't sit well with him. he then yelled that his mother wasn't getting a phone call and i told him that i have called her each time we got the phone call from the Army.. THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH HIM EITHER! he didn't like the fact that i was in contact with her and he got pissed off and hung up on me. i sent my husband an email to explain all of this. he later replied and said not to worry about it, he was sorry... WELL, what i did not know was that he (FIL) for a day and a half was sending my husband emails about me. basically, he went off about how i treated him bad. i NEVER treated him bad, was never rude to him BUT only called him out for saying lies on the Internet and was talking to his EX (enemy)... and to make it worse, he called me racially offensive words that i have never been called before. all the time while my husband is in afghanistan fighting for our country, he has been having to deal with a crazy emails attacking his wife. my husband didn't want to tell me but he finally did after the fact that his father "disowned" him for "disgracing the family by marrying my kind" and other things.

..HOW DID IT GET THIS FAR? i don't understand and i don't get it. i am a good person. i know i have to let this go but it's his father. this somehow in time i hope will all work itself out. right? UGH

Saturday, April 9, 2011

..rain rain and more rain

Rain, Rain and more Rain....

well, today seems to be a blah day and after the "oh NO" day from yesterday, It's NOT helping my mood at all. I tried to sleep in but my sweet little daddy's girl princess decided she had to go at 7am lol. Off and on storm showers, talking to my friend did help some. I am still in my sleeping clothes, haven't even started on house cleaning, and am STILL on this computer! lol

I didn't sleep very well last night. My nephew stayed over a friends house so I had the whole house to myself, which didn't mean anything. I didn't do anything. Man this weather has me thinking and singing the yuckies today.

Also, I guess I am more annoyed with how fake some people are (WOW that is out of left field). It's really sad how for some people to feel wanted or love they have to be fake. OH and don't think I don't know you "talk" about me behind my back. I know who my real friends are, you don't have to be "nice" to me cause you feel "sorry" for me.

and... if a "man" brags about having money, then that means he has NOTHING! (this is going out to someone I love) Wake UP, RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!

thought: I can hear the birds singing #it's all about the little things.

Spring time: allergies, green grass, warmer temps and rain, rain and more rain!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

What's On MY Mind...

  • ..WHAT'S ON MY MIND? hmmm, so many things are clogging up my thoughts right now. First of course is the obvious, my husband is deployed. DUH! joking aside, I am bothered by all of this Government shut down. When it all started to come about, I was told it happens every few years and sometimes it doesn't even affect us, sometimes it doesn't happen, oh and one time it lasted 21 days....

  • SOOOOO, now that I am married to an Active Duty Soldier, surrounded by the life and the Army AND work on post. Yep. It's affected me all the way around! I said to myself, "oh, don't worry. It will all be okay (famous words my husband tells me on a daily basis)." But now, I am having doubts. It's constantly on the news, on my facebook feed, my twitter timeline, my fellow army blogs (see, its contagious) and well, pretty much everywhere right now. UGH, stop torching us. Pass the damn Bill and let us move on... Really not all of us (military families) get paid the big $$$. We truly are living check to check. We budget, we use coupons, we buy generics, we do what we have to do to make our little paycheck last! So hurry up and make a decision cause I have something more serious to worry about... my husband is defending YOUR FREEDOM! #sigh... #deep breath...

  • OK. now, next thing on my mind. Really sad that I am so far away from my family. So many things going on, ugh. My younger cousin lost his first child :( this past week. No known cause yet but he was 4mths old, so my heart aches for him. Also, step dad in hospital and levels for diabetes are off the chart to where he crashed in the hospital. I could name a couple more things but I won't...

  • On to the next thing, I cannot believe Pia got kicked off of American Idol! OY lol well I can think of so many more things on my mind, but I will keep those for later. ;)