Keepin Busy

Well I went out on my first "Girls Night Out" for a fellow Army wife's Bday.

I had a great time and so glad I "forced" myself out. I got all dressed up (which is a very rare).

We went out to a local Japanese Steakhouse... had YUMMY sushi, Japanese beer, SakiBombs, hibachi grill meal, and was with great friends! Afterwards we went to a Mexican restaurant (i know i know but not many choices where we live to go that stay open til midnight) and we had a few more drinks. Its a place where our friend can karaoke too! I laughed alot and needed it!

..night time isn't my friend

....i'm starting to dread the night time life.

it seems like when i am extremely tired the second i lay down, i start to cry. i can still smell HIS smell on his pillow. i miss him so much. i think about it him every second but at night its rough. i cannot wait to hear his voice. i think this is why i am not sleeping well, cause i am afraid im going to miss his phone call. i feel like i am up at least 6 to 8 times during the night. last night, i know i was up at 4 and from there all morning until the alarm went off. im so tired and don't want to get out of the bed but know i must. my nephew lives with me and must for him, then go to work and do my best for others. ive been through this, i know it might be awhile until we get our own little routine but until then this sux.

to think, to NOT see your soulmate, best friend, lover, husband, spouse for 350 days out of 365 days in a year (that's 15 days given to you for R&R). UGH. so my countdown has begun. IS IT 2012 yet? lol

until then my sweet soldier...

No matter where we are, we will always be looking at the same stars.

Our First Day of the New Year

Well this is what we did together on the first Day of January...Jeep Wheelin' or as my husband calls is "Ridin Dirty." We are the blue Jeep second to last in this picture.

This was my first time to go ridin' with him and I am so glad I did! We had such a great time and he was so happy that I went!

Our Jeep did not touch pavement for over 11 hours and I got to see parts of Kentucky (was in 4 counties that day). I can actually say, I have been in the BackWoods of Kentucky! lol

And, this is the view of when we were heading home... priceless.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We just want to wish ALL a very Happy New Year and please be SAFE!

..this might be a difficult year but I will do my best to help make it go by really really fast...

God Bless All of our Soldiers

and bring them home safe!

(I love you my sweet Soldier)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

COUNTDOWN... to "D" day

i am sad, emotional, UP and then down...

we are officially in the "Countdown" stage, "D" day is upon us and i am an emotional wreck. had my first break down last night, meltdown, crying spell, whatever you want to call it. we were sitting there talking about last minute details; how to pay rent, car payments out of what account, where to go if this happens, don't forget to do this, etc... and it happened. the big CRY. it just came out, with no warning and he just held me. i hate to do that when i can see in his eyes he is hurting too. he hasn't slept in days (either of us) and he is stressing about what he still needs to get and for some reason the Army has decided that they want to take out money from his pay for things we don't understand yet (gotta figure it out tomorrow). of all the times that we NEED money "they" decide" to deduct for things they feel are important???? i am sure this has happened to you at some point.

anyway, i knew this week, day, moment, time would come but just been trying to make the best of every second i have with him. And now it's everywhere, facebook posts from friends, our brigade group, and now on the news. UGH.

this was our first year (a whole year!) that we have been together, in one house, not separated by a body of water, being in the same country.... every morning--a "see you later" kiss on the head when he leaves , a "good morning beautiful" text after his PT, many many texts during the day (while we are both at work), "I'm on my way home baby" text, a welcome kiss at the door, several "i love yous" and kisses watching TV, and then our night kisses, one on each cheek, forehead, lips, falling asleep side by side, "goodnight baby, i love you"."good night baby, i love you more and longer!" (awwwwwww). THIS IS WHAT I AM GOING TO MISS

a whole year is such a long time. i got through the first one and i know i can get through this one too and i know this is normal, and i know i have a few more stages of emotions to go through but i guess this is my moment to have a pity party. i can feel bad for a moment, i don't ALWAYS have to be the strong one. (as i read this i want to say "suck it up woman!" lol)

this weekend is going to be New Year's. i don't feel like celebrating. i don't even feel like its New Year's period. its just going to be a weekend where we get to spend all by ourselves. that's what we did for Christmas. we stayed at home, no presents, no relatives..just being lazy with only eachother and our lazy puppies! it was a wonderful wonderful Christmas and now its going to be a wonderful lazy New's Years too dammit. ugh this big cloud over us just makes is difficult to enjoy the celebration.

i will be strong. i will not cry (yea right). i will be strong for him.

Being Thankful

Holidays are here... it brings up all kinds of different feelings for "us" Military spouses. Being away from our loved ones, friends, homesick, upcoming deployment.... I really could go on and on... but I won't. I will NOT be a holiday scrooge!

I have lots to be thankful for ...

I am thankful for my wonderful husband.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband being home this Thanksgiving Day.

I am thankful for us having a roof over our heads and food in our fridge.

I am thankful for my family back home that I miss dearly.

I am thankful for my friends that still keep in contact with me no matter where I am.

I am thankful for the job I got after 21 mths of unemployment. :)

I am thankful for my sweet Army family I will be with on Thanksgiving Day.

and Thank You God for Life itself!

amen

now it's your turn, What are you Thankful for?

not enough time...

..i sit here listening to my husband playing some video games (no not COD black ops lol) and i am overwhelmed with sadness. i have been for about a week or so. i guess it all started when he brought home all of his new multi cam gear for Afghanistan. has it really been 16 months since he came home from the first deployment? Ugh. where did the time go? we had "plans" to do more before his 2nd and now i feel we do not have enough time....

i sat down the other day and figured out that i have had him home (states side) for 2 years and the other year he was in Afghanistan... BUT with him leaving another year, it will be 2 years home, 2 years gone. Wow? that seems so weird. i had heard stories like this but never thought it would be me.

i know that every one that has loved a soldier knows this is the way of military life. but i can tell you that is doesn't make it any easier to swallow, to hide, to control or to deal with. (i swear these emotions have got the best of me this week).

a couple of days ago i received his "schedule" of what's to come until "D" day and damn those tears. reality is NOW setting in. gear is being already shipped off, pre-deployment meetings are starting to happen, multi cam gear everywhere, calendars, FRG meets, legal stuff, etc... its so overwhelming. i just need another month or something. i feel like we need more time. lol

we had planned on starting our fertility treatments, we planned on traveling to florida to see his mom, we planned on trying to see more tourists things in our area, we planned on just doing more things....

Thanksgiving is next week, we do not have enough money right now to travel anywhere. It will be nice to just go to our friends and be able to be close and be right back home. no hassles. but i miss my family more than ever right now. And Christmas, well we aren't going to see our family back home then either (no money of course) but we had decided last year that we would not be traveling like we did last year. it will be our time alone to just be with each other (and i will savor every moment as i do everyday with him, even as he is playing this damn zombie game lol). I do hope i get him for the New Year's! I would be very very thankful for all three cause I know that most military loved ones don't get that wish. However, i do know that i will not get him for February=my birthday, Valentine's day or our 2nd Anniversary :( but i can't get them all.

i am sure how i am feeling is normal in our world but i don't like this part. i don't like a lot of parts of this life but no matter what i will always try to make the best of it. like today, i think i am going to put the Christmas tree up lol. it is earlier than normal but he's worth it! cause before i know it, it will be Christmas and then.......

until then, i will watch him sleep, hold his hand, kiss his face, smell his neck, and be as close to him as i can....

dang deployment,
not enough time