ARMY DRAMA

DRAMA LAMA DING DONG....

I haven't been on in awhile, I have been keeping myself extremely busy.  BUT for some reason have gotten myself surrounded by DRAMA.  I have always heard about it being worse when your are in the Army life but dang.  Why can't we all just get along?! 

I won't get into specifics but what is up with so many having affairs? Especially the ones who have deployed loved ones.  I don't get it.  Yes I understand the year long time frame of being alone BUT your married.  I guess I have been good surrounding myself with some really great women and all of this didn't start until our 8mth in.... BUT wow has a lot of shit come out of the "woodworks."

If this hadn't happened to our close knit circle, I don't think it would have hurt so much.  Not only has this infidelity ruined trust among us BUT worse the children who have become so close as well. You come to a point of so many lies that you have to cut them off.  

                  ***SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE WHO WILL UPLIFT WITH POSITIVE ENERGY! ***

then, you have someone who presents herself as "privileged" due to rank.  thinks that she should be in conversations or in the "in" circle.  I didn't know there was a "in" circle.  Really?  Why do these girls feel that showing off or acting a fool is gonna help their "status" of being accepted??? 

I admit, I belong to a close group of ladies who I call them MY friends who are very accepting of meeting and hanging around other families... BUT don't think you can come into our protective circle and start mouthing off the wrong things and expect someone not to get defensive and protect our own.  AND for the Love of GOD do not think your husbands rank is gonna save you! Your only making it worse. 

***THE STRENGTH OF A FAMILY, LIKE THE STRENGTH OF AN ARMY, IS IN ITS LOYALTY TO EACH OTHER.***

..then there is this one person who for some reason always comes up in discussions a "local" who does not have the best of reputations or runs around with the best of people.... you try to be nice and cordial BUT when you have the reputation as THE ONE that ONLY wants to be with a man for his rank and tags, THEN it becomes a problem. STAY AWAY FROM OUR GUYS.  Don't get all huffy and puffy when you are approached with your inappropriate behavior.  Don't start threatening our Military Families and Men who are currently deployed when your laundry is being aired out all over post!  We all know you have one mission to marry into the Army Life for benefits and your so called allusion of security you think comes with it.  Her nickname well known in our brigade as "tag chaser" and her fitting the whole stereo type of a "barracks rat" (both of which i had to look up online to find out what they meant lol) fits her personality and description to a "T."

***KARMA IS A BITCH, WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND!***

SOOOO, out with the old and IN with the new.  No more drama. Block and Deleted from Facebook. No more responding to text messages or emails... YOUR NOT Worth waisting my time.

#endvent    =)

Each Night...

hello there again night time.  oh how i dread you.

sleepy but the second i lay down, i am WIDE awake.

thinking about YOU, hoping you were able to have a hot meal, were able to sleep more than an hour and most of all IF you are safe.

...AND i think about you each night and always it ends with tears.  tears of sadness that you are NOT here, tears of fear of where you are, happy tears that i am so proud you chose me to be your wife and tears of loneliness that you are NOT there PERIOD.

each night as i lay there i say, "good night baby, i love and miss you." 

Each Night.

..JUST THAT ONE CHANCE

..it seems that being in the Military life and going thru a deployment that everyone around me is PREGNANT. Pre-deployment pregnancy, R&R pregnancy, and after deployment pregnancy.

..i don't remember being around so much pregnancy people in my life. BUT at the same time, several people back home around "my" age are pregnant also, so that gives me so much HOPE that it CAN happen to me.

..this is just another emotional roller coaster to add to the many other emotions you have during a "normal" deployment but at times its very overwhelming.

..i always say when is it going to be MY turn? but i know the answer, i know what i have to do to get that chance. BUT reality sucks. to have invetro is so expensive and i have Military insurance and at "my" age I am not covered for any of the expenses to be paid (believe me, i have already done the research and asked). so what does this mean? it means that for us to have that one chance of having our own little bundle of joy, it means that its out of OUR pocket. YEP, so between my little job that barely pays for our little bills and him working in the Army (which everyone in the Army knows we don't get paid shit) which barely pays for the bigger bills, we live pay check to pay check!

..so now I have decided to sell as much stuff as I can in this house for garage sales. DOWNSIZE LOL and also try to sell as much as i possibly can with my Scentsy business and NOT spend my commission. i know i can do this. BUT i am not getting any younger. i am 40 for Goshsakes!

..i want so bad to give my husband a child, his name sake, to give him a family. and i know if he reads this he will say that he has his family (me, him and our two furbabies) and if it stays this way then he is just fine with that. he is so supportive and i love him for always making me feel so good about our little life BUT i feel like i am missing something. and its a feeling that i have to fight with myself everyday on this cause my whole adult life i have wanted a baby.

..i have never been pregnant. i dont know what that feels like. i have however had many surgeries and have scars to prove that. some minor, some major and one life threatening. i have had things that are hard to talk about, been pretty hard on my family too.

..i can do this IF God has this planned for me. IF NOT, then we will adopt. i am OK with that, just want that one chance to try and do it on our own (with a little medical help of course).

..JUST THAT ONE CHANCE is all i ask.

..Rest & Recuperation

....Rest & Recuperation

...it was a wonderful 2 weeks of rest and recuperation. We did exactly what HE wanted and for that I am afraid there will be backlash for later.

...All he wanted to do was be home, he didn't want to travel, he didn't want to be around too many people, he didn't want to be forced to do anything he didn't want to do and I made sure he got what he wanted. He rarely drove-- which is ODD cause he loves his jeep but this time, he didn't want to. He was asked to "hang"out but he just didn't want to. He wanted to stay at home in the AC, be in the same room as me with his dogs at each side, watching his SYFY, Discovery, Military etc.. channels, being on his laptop downloading his stuff.... doing exactly what HE wanted to do.

...this rest and recuperation was much more different than last time. No traveling, No family, No rushing around here and there. I tried to get him to call his family, I tried to get him to hang with his buddies BUT he didn't want to. This time he slept in (which is very unusual), he did a few things around the house, went to game stop, the gun shop, and surplus stores a few times each. We went out to eat and watched movies several times. We were lazy around the house, in eachothers arms, watchin' Shark Week LOL... he sang karaoke and EVEN agreed to have pictures taken (which he hates by the way)...

...for all of that, I have no regrets. I know some will blame me. It's inevitable, I'm the other half, his side-kick, his wife... I hope all will understand that this deployment, this R&R is so much more different this time around. I feel like he is still healing and for some reason he is or has been withdrawing himself from things, discussions, friends and family. I am not sure if it is about not wanting to talk about certain things, not wanting to answer questions, to deal with "it?" I am not sure but I will not force it, otherwise he gets mad. so this time around we did what he wanted.

..it was the best 2 weeks. we both needed it.

..For Some Reason, Sundays make me miss him more

..for some reason Sunday's always make me miss him more always trying to keep myself so very busy and for some reason, Sunday's always seem to make me miss him more. it's more like Sunday blues. sleeping late, drinking coffee, watching movies, being lazy with our fur babies, snuggling and my glass of wine..... and missing my sweetheart.

..the more you do, the more you go..go..go..go...Then all of a sudden you eventually CRASH with emotions. go to my room and just have my own pity party. UGH

i do admit that i have become a disgruntled military wife where everything or everyone gets on my nerves or makes me mad with stupid comments. i do have to count to ten and to not punch somebody. its not their fault that "they" don't understand. kind of like i am going thru the 7 stages of deployment...

..rambling for the day #SCREAM

..haven't posted in awhile. let's see... work, nephew, out with the girls on a friday night, work, feed the nephew and so on and so on........

anybody get to a point in deployment where you want to just SCREAM at the top of your lungs? people get on my nerves, work is getting to me where i dont want to go anymore, certain friends who say they are your friends you just want to #slap, being away from your loved ones drives you crazy, not having a sex life (sorry tmi but DAMMIT), and not being able to lose this damn weight i have gained since we moved here. i feel like i am in a rut. stuck. time isnt going fast enough and it makes me want to #SCREAM.

i know i am not the only one that gets this way. but geeze. i gotta get outta this funk.

On a better note: Happy 236th Birthday Army! Hooah! Also, it's Flag Day!!!!