Being Thankful

Holidays are here... it brings up all kinds of different feelings for "us" Military spouses. Being away from our loved ones, friends, homesick, upcoming deployment.... I really could go on and on... but I won't. I will NOT be a holiday scrooge!

I have lots to be thankful for ...

I am thankful for my wonderful husband.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband being home this Thanksgiving Day.

I am thankful for us having a roof over our heads and food in our fridge.

I am thankful for my family back home that I miss dearly.

I am thankful for my friends that still keep in contact with me no matter where I am.

I am thankful for the job I got after 21 mths of unemployment. :)

I am thankful for my sweet Army family I will be with on Thanksgiving Day.

and Thank You God for Life itself!

amen

now it's your turn, What are you Thankful for?

not enough time...

..i sit here listening to my husband playing some video games (no not COD black ops lol) and i am overwhelmed with sadness. i have been for about a week or so. i guess it all started when he brought home all of his new multi cam gear for Afghanistan. has it really been 16 months since he came home from the first deployment? Ugh. where did the time go? we had "plans" to do more before his 2nd and now i feel we do not have enough time....

i sat down the other day and figured out that i have had him home (states side) for 2 years and the other year he was in Afghanistan... BUT with him leaving another year, it will be 2 years home, 2 years gone. Wow? that seems so weird. i had heard stories like this but never thought it would be me.

i know that every one that has loved a soldier knows this is the way of military life. but i can tell you that is doesn't make it any easier to swallow, to hide, to control or to deal with. (i swear these emotions have got the best of me this week).

a couple of days ago i received his "schedule" of what's to come until "D" day and damn those tears. reality is NOW setting in. gear is being already shipped off, pre-deployment meetings are starting to happen, multi cam gear everywhere, calendars, FRG meets, legal stuff, etc... its so overwhelming. i just need another month or something. i feel like we need more time. lol

we had planned on starting our fertility treatments, we planned on traveling to florida to see his mom, we planned on trying to see more tourists things in our area, we planned on just doing more things....

Thanksgiving is next week, we do not have enough money right now to travel anywhere. It will be nice to just go to our friends and be able to be close and be right back home. no hassles. but i miss my family more than ever right now. And Christmas, well we aren't going to see our family back home then either (no money of course) but we had decided last year that we would not be traveling like we did last year. it will be our time alone to just be with each other (and i will savor every moment as i do everyday with him, even as he is playing this damn zombie game lol). I do hope i get him for the New Year's! I would be very very thankful for all three cause I know that most military loved ones don't get that wish. However, i do know that i will not get him for February=my birthday, Valentine's day or our 2nd Anniversary :( but i can't get them all.

i am sure how i am feeling is normal in our world but i don't like this part. i don't like a lot of parts of this life but no matter what i will always try to make the best of it. like today, i think i am going to put the Christmas tree up lol. it is earlier than normal but he's worth it! cause before i know it, it will be Christmas and then.......

until then, i will watch him sleep, hold his hand, kiss his face, smell his neck, and be as close to him as i can....

dang deployment,
not enough time

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It's ONLY a number. I'm NOT too old...

I sit here and look over all my friends on Facebook, my younger sister just had her 20 yr reunion (mine was last year but I couldn't go cause it was on the same weekend that we had PCS'd). I look at all the posting and pics of their families, etc... and realize that some of my classmates are grandparents, one a grandparent x 3!!!



My sister says that lots asked about me, some thought I was the sister with 4 kids cause I always post pics of them so much and one thought I had her son (which in fact that was the other sister too!). I love all of my nephews and nieces so much. I love having all of them come visit me, whether I am here in KY or was back home in TX, they were always with me on the weekends or school vacation times. BUT anyway, my point is... I DO NOT HAVE ANY KIDS. Not by choice. It's just because GOD hasn't blessed me with one yet! (the picture above are my sister kids minus 1)



I am going to be 40 in less than 6mths. I think that has a lot to do with this posting. I am going to be 40 and I still want to be able to have one of my own. But I don't "feel" almost 40. I am still "hip" (my nephew would be shaking his head at me now). I think my nephews and nieces keep me young, they keep me "updated" on things LOL, and I still love to do fun things (still love listening to my heavy metal!!!). I am NOT dead. It's just a number... i love that song by Aaliyah, "Ain't Nothing But A Number." It does also help that my husband is younger than me :)



Over the weekend, I saw a girlfriend of mine and we both are the same age, birthdays coming up soon and she is freaking out. But, her life is different than mine. She has had more things going on in her life. Not that I haven't. Got a younger sister that (pardon my language) won't get her head outta her ASS. I have my 16yr old nephew living with me (which he is wonderful, fun and sometimes stressful but NOT bad). A husband in the Army (nuff said). But turning 40 is NOT going to be that bad. You might want to ask me again in about 6mths how i feel. LOL



I know that God will bless me no matter what. If it's NOT my own child, then it was maybe meant for adoption. I am very open to that. My mom was adopted, found her biological Japanese mom here in the states several years ago and now they live together! My mom's brothers and sister are all adopted. That would be okay for me. BUT (there is always that BUT), I would like my husband to have his own. Is that selfish to say? Ugh, it's always the pros and cons. Always the doubts, the wishes, the yearnings, the dreams......



and once again, I don't feel my age. so that means I gotta get myself to the gym (LOLOLOL) cause it Ain't Nothing BUT a Number!

..i know it's been awhile

..i know it has been awhile since i have posted something, but i have really had a crazy July... so this all might seem to be me just rambling but here it goes...

the first week of July, my mother in law came down to stay with me for a week. it wasn't so bad. there were moments where i felt "critiqued" but it all passed. my DH was uncomfortable. i don't know what it was but he felt he couldn't be himself (mind you, this isn't his biological mom). also, he had to work during the day and some late evenings, trainings, etc... so that helped him some. so while she was here, i entertained her to post to show her where he worked, the Patton Museum, to my girlfriends house to visit "our" rescued Afghanistan dog who was a big help to our unit, back to my girlfriends house to celebrate 4th of July and out to eat a couple of times.

the day she left, i drove to Texas/Arkansas border to pick up my sister's girls so they could stay with me for a couple of weeks... which ended up being 27 days! LONG STORY there too... but i have missed them all so much and we had our ups and then we had our downs. we went swimming, took them to two of my doctor's appointment on post (let's just say one of them was a pill lol), to the park to play & feed the ducks, out to eat a couple of times, got blizzards @Sonic, to the mall, library, to a old car museum, and lots more (you get the picture)... the last week with 2 of them was hard, they just wanted to go home. one wanted her mom and the other wanted her life back home.

but at the same time (during the same week when the girls wanted to go home) my DH was packing to leave for NTC. it was really hard to try and balance him and then the girls. but, we managed to make the best of it. he left and five days later, my nieces left :(

so, here it is August and i'm by myself. im trying to keep busy but cannot seem to get myself motivated to do sht. i mean nothing. well, that's not true. i have managed to go to the grocery store, the post office, the gym a couple of times, a 2 yr. old birthday party, and a pampered chef party. so let me clarify that, i haven't done anything to my house! LOL no cleaning, no dishes, etc.... i know i will get my mojo back to do it but right now, eh it sits.

my nephew is wanting to move in with me. that's another big thing going on in my life. he is old enough and would be in high school. i know my DH wouldn't mind cause he has said before he could. but i just wish i could talk to him but him being at NTC with no phone rule, i can't just pick up the phone to ask and see what he says... stupid rule! but, it looks like i might have him soon. when my DH gets home i could say, "look honey it's a boy!" lol no seriously, i welcome my nephew and any of my nephews and nieces. i love them all very much!

i have been trying to get my family and friends motivated to buy stuff this month for my lil business on the side (Scentsy). i have even started a group page on Fbook @Sam's Scentsy. i wish that would just take off and keep my REALLY busy (and make some extra money for us). i know it will, i just gotta keep positive AND PATIENT!

and last, is me getting a job. i know i really need to get one especially if i have my nephew coming up. but the bad part is that i always want to be here for my DH when he needs me, days off, etc... it will happen. now the fun part of looking for a job around here. i believe in God. i know that things will be alright... as my DH would say, "Everything will be alright baby."

...My First "Stereo Type" Experience...

....sooooooooooo, we went to a couple's house on post (which is something we don't do often). it's not someone in our brigade but someone my husband became friends with because of their love of jeeps.

anywhoooo, we met another couple there... they were neighbors and i was excited to find out that the wife neighbor was from not only TX but where i used to live! so we talked about where we used to live, the area, etc... i thought it was starting off great!

but then..... it just went sour.

she, neighbor wife started asking questions to my DH about what MOS he was in (and at the same time was looking up and down at me??? was she looking at my hair, clothes, etc.... i wasn't sure) but she was "shocked" that my husband is 11B. her response, "OHHH i thought you were an officer" (um, what does that mean?) so, my husband said "no, no officer here. What made you think that?" her response, "OH, your just so clean looking, not dirty." (uMMM, what? i still dont get what she is getting at? but i could tell my DH was getting a little perturbed). and the neighbor wife was still making her comments, her questions were just a little forward or rude. its as if she was judging us for not fitting her image of being Infantry. (and what pisses me off about this post is that we are considered the "trouble makers," the "rotten ones," the "low lifes" and i DO NOT like this stereo type.) I'm not gonna write down all the rude @$$ comments she made cause i dont want to get myself all pissed off again.

This was my first "stereo type" experience with the military life. I have heard about it, my husband always says "that's just what THEY think about us," BUT i think its stupid that each MOS or whatever has these labels. so what we are infantry? we are still in the same army as you are! so what that we don't live on post? how does that make us any different than you? we have pitbulls and can't live on post! so what that we do not have kids? hey! its none of every one's business that i have fertility problems... its NOT something i advertise as i meet new people. so what that we have "somewhat" nice cars? they ARE NOT new but nice! so what that we were dressed casual but nice when we met you! we took showers for gosh sakes LOL....

i know this might seem stupid to some, but this was my first judgement and i am still somewhat still learning the ropes of the army life.

the rest of the evening was just OFF, the neighbor couple ate their food and left immediately after that. WE were NOT rude, we were nice (as we always are), we played with the kids, helped clean etc... but for some reason the neighbor couple just took off... which turned our friends night sour. apparently it wasn't the first time they (the neighbor couple) had done this. that's another story.......

well, there was my vent. I'm done.