HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We just want to wish ALL a very Happy New Year and please be SAFE!

..this might be a difficult year but I will do my best to help make it go by really really fast...

God Bless All of our Soldiers

and bring them home safe!

(I love you my sweet Soldier)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

COUNTDOWN... to "D" day

i am sad, emotional, UP and then down...

we are officially in the "Countdown" stage, "D" day is upon us and i am an emotional wreck. had my first break down last night, meltdown, crying spell, whatever you want to call it. we were sitting there talking about last minute details; how to pay rent, car payments out of what account, where to go if this happens, don't forget to do this, etc... and it happened. the big CRY. it just came out, with no warning and he just held me. i hate to do that when i can see in his eyes he is hurting too. he hasn't slept in days (either of us) and he is stressing about what he still needs to get and for some reason the Army has decided that they want to take out money from his pay for things we don't understand yet (gotta figure it out tomorrow). of all the times that we NEED money "they" decide" to deduct for things they feel are important???? i am sure this has happened to you at some point.

anyway, i knew this week, day, moment, time would come but just been trying to make the best of every second i have with him. And now it's everywhere, facebook posts from friends, our brigade group, and now on the news. UGH.

this was our first year (a whole year!) that we have been together, in one house, not separated by a body of water, being in the same country.... every morning--a "see you later" kiss on the head when he leaves , a "good morning beautiful" text after his PT, many many texts during the day (while we are both at work), "I'm on my way home baby" text, a welcome kiss at the door, several "i love yous" and kisses watching TV, and then our night kisses, one on each cheek, forehead, lips, falling asleep side by side, "goodnight baby, i love you"."good night baby, i love you more and longer!" (awwwwwww). THIS IS WHAT I AM GOING TO MISS

a whole year is such a long time. i got through the first one and i know i can get through this one too and i know this is normal, and i know i have a few more stages of emotions to go through but i guess this is my moment to have a pity party. i can feel bad for a moment, i don't ALWAYS have to be the strong one. (as i read this i want to say "suck it up woman!" lol)

this weekend is going to be New Year's. i don't feel like celebrating. i don't even feel like its New Year's period. its just going to be a weekend where we get to spend all by ourselves. that's what we did for Christmas. we stayed at home, no presents, no relatives..just being lazy with only eachother and our lazy puppies! it was a wonderful wonderful Christmas and now its going to be a wonderful lazy New's Years too dammit. ugh this big cloud over us just makes is difficult to enjoy the celebration.

i will be strong. i will not cry (yea right). i will be strong for him.

Being Thankful

Holidays are here... it brings up all kinds of different feelings for "us" Military spouses. Being away from our loved ones, friends, homesick, upcoming deployment.... I really could go on and on... but I won't. I will NOT be a holiday scrooge!

I have lots to be thankful for ...

I am thankful for my wonderful husband.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband being home this Thanksgiving Day.

I am thankful for us having a roof over our heads and food in our fridge.

I am thankful for my family back home that I miss dearly.

I am thankful for my friends that still keep in contact with me no matter where I am.

I am thankful for the job I got after 21 mths of unemployment. :)

I am thankful for my sweet Army family I will be with on Thanksgiving Day.

and Thank You God for Life itself!

amen

now it's your turn, What are you Thankful for?

not enough time...

..i sit here listening to my husband playing some video games (no not COD black ops lol) and i am overwhelmed with sadness. i have been for about a week or so. i guess it all started when he brought home all of his new multi cam gear for Afghanistan. has it really been 16 months since he came home from the first deployment? Ugh. where did the time go? we had "plans" to do more before his 2nd and now i feel we do not have enough time....

i sat down the other day and figured out that i have had him home (states side) for 2 years and the other year he was in Afghanistan... BUT with him leaving another year, it will be 2 years home, 2 years gone. Wow? that seems so weird. i had heard stories like this but never thought it would be me.

i know that every one that has loved a soldier knows this is the way of military life. but i can tell you that is doesn't make it any easier to swallow, to hide, to control or to deal with. (i swear these emotions have got the best of me this week).

a couple of days ago i received his "schedule" of what's to come until "D" day and damn those tears. reality is NOW setting in. gear is being already shipped off, pre-deployment meetings are starting to happen, multi cam gear everywhere, calendars, FRG meets, legal stuff, etc... its so overwhelming. i just need another month or something. i feel like we need more time. lol

we had planned on starting our fertility treatments, we planned on traveling to florida to see his mom, we planned on trying to see more tourists things in our area, we planned on just doing more things....

Thanksgiving is next week, we do not have enough money right now to travel anywhere. It will be nice to just go to our friends and be able to be close and be right back home. no hassles. but i miss my family more than ever right now. And Christmas, well we aren't going to see our family back home then either (no money of course) but we had decided last year that we would not be traveling like we did last year. it will be our time alone to just be with each other (and i will savor every moment as i do everyday with him, even as he is playing this damn zombie game lol). I do hope i get him for the New Year's! I would be very very thankful for all three cause I know that most military loved ones don't get that wish. However, i do know that i will not get him for February=my birthday, Valentine's day or our 2nd Anniversary :( but i can't get them all.

i am sure how i am feeling is normal in our world but i don't like this part. i don't like a lot of parts of this life but no matter what i will always try to make the best of it. like today, i think i am going to put the Christmas tree up lol. it is earlier than normal but he's worth it! cause before i know it, it will be Christmas and then.......

until then, i will watch him sleep, hold his hand, kiss his face, smell his neck, and be as close to him as i can....

dang deployment,
not enough time

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It's ONLY a number. I'm NOT too old...

I sit here and look over all my friends on Facebook, my younger sister just had her 20 yr reunion (mine was last year but I couldn't go cause it was on the same weekend that we had PCS'd). I look at all the posting and pics of their families, etc... and realize that some of my classmates are grandparents, one a grandparent x 3!!!



My sister says that lots asked about me, some thought I was the sister with 4 kids cause I always post pics of them so much and one thought I had her son (which in fact that was the other sister too!). I love all of my nephews and nieces so much. I love having all of them come visit me, whether I am here in KY or was back home in TX, they were always with me on the weekends or school vacation times. BUT anyway, my point is... I DO NOT HAVE ANY KIDS. Not by choice. It's just because GOD hasn't blessed me with one yet! (the picture above are my sister kids minus 1)



I am going to be 40 in less than 6mths. I think that has a lot to do with this posting. I am going to be 40 and I still want to be able to have one of my own. But I don't "feel" almost 40. I am still "hip" (my nephew would be shaking his head at me now). I think my nephews and nieces keep me young, they keep me "updated" on things LOL, and I still love to do fun things (still love listening to my heavy metal!!!). I am NOT dead. It's just a number... i love that song by Aaliyah, "Ain't Nothing But A Number." It does also help that my husband is younger than me :)



Over the weekend, I saw a girlfriend of mine and we both are the same age, birthdays coming up soon and she is freaking out. But, her life is different than mine. She has had more things going on in her life. Not that I haven't. Got a younger sister that (pardon my language) won't get her head outta her ASS. I have my 16yr old nephew living with me (which he is wonderful, fun and sometimes stressful but NOT bad). A husband in the Army (nuff said). But turning 40 is NOT going to be that bad. You might want to ask me again in about 6mths how i feel. LOL



I know that God will bless me no matter what. If it's NOT my own child, then it was maybe meant for adoption. I am very open to that. My mom was adopted, found her biological Japanese mom here in the states several years ago and now they live together! My mom's brothers and sister are all adopted. That would be okay for me. BUT (there is always that BUT), I would like my husband to have his own. Is that selfish to say? Ugh, it's always the pros and cons. Always the doubts, the wishes, the yearnings, the dreams......



and once again, I don't feel my age. so that means I gotta get myself to the gym (LOLOLOL) cause it Ain't Nothing BUT a Number!