baby blues

it's really hard being around so many sweet babies... i have longed for one of my own so long and feel likes its a dream that i am chasing. baby blues are here again... my age is one big battle of course along with my own fertifily problems but i want one so bad. money has always been the main obstacle of getting that one chance to have it. this is the the thing that i want and i know i would be good at it. until then. i will keep dreaming, wishing upon that star and working really hard this year on my scentsy so make that money to get my chance!

President's Day

Well I'm off today for President's Day and so far has been a really nice day. I still had to get my nephew off to school this morning at the same time and for some genius reason I scheduled a dentist appointment this morning at 9am. Anyone knows me I have the biggest fear of going, but I did pretty good. After that I went to take my written drivers test and I passed! lol 2nd times a charm...ALL OF A SUDDEN, getting flashbacks to 1987 being 16 and having to take it more than once... :-) my Soldier, I am sure is smiling as he reads this! (and i DID get to hear his sexy voice yesterday!!)

Chillin at home, windows opened (first time this new year) 64 degrees, no sun but its nice for a change, washing clothes, gonna do some dishes and vacuum the floors! I am on it today! Ugh need to go to the grocery story but i don't wanna... oh well. Today is a good day! Have a great President's Day off!

can't shake it off

..its just been a really emotional week for me and i can't seem to shake it off. not hearing from him is hard enough but then to throw a rough week at work, and other things all mixed up just makes it feels like i'm crashing. i STILL cry every night at bedtime but now seem to cry at the drop of a hat. (like now watching Oprah and dammit i'm crying lol) UGH

i'm tired, i am not sleeping, but have a hard time getting myself out of bed and just wish i could not do anything. but i continue my life like i'm suppose to. i wish i could hear his voice when i need it but know that where he is, it's not possible. i miss him very much.

valentine hum bug

well, my thoughts seem to be swirling today. i think it might have been my day at work. i got to talk to a POW from WWII and his stories make me so very proud to be an Army Wife. it made me miss my sweet SO just that much more. each day i am surrounded by Military life and some days its not so bad but like today, it was one of "those" days. when you miss someone this bad it does hurt.

it's amazing how we look on the outside... smiles, laughs, staying active and so on... but deep down and always at night time it gets to me.

i think i am frustrated cause first, it's Valentine's Weekend. second and really the main reason is that his time to use the phone, internet and showers is all on a "scheduled" time. so basically, if they are on missions etc.. and they miss their time, they have to wait every few days to try again. so basically its goes weeks for me not to hear his voice (yes i know it happens), i always seem to miss him emails by less than an hour, i work so i can't get his calls cause my phone doesnt work in the building, and on and on and on.... talked to another wife and she seemed to be annoyed that hers it at a place where he gets to be on the phone everyday and she seemed to be bothered by it! really? it was like she was talking to him too much or something. i would love to hear his voice everyday! and not getting to shower on his "scheduled" time cause he is out doing his job. that really makes me mad. almost a month and no shower when he can get one but since its not a good time he can't? UGH. i could be really more mad at myself for not staying up and or hearing his emails alerts.

and i had read an email someone had sent me, it's "things not to say to a Military spouse/wife" and people do seem to say dumb things that rub ya wrong. i guess i had too many of the dumb things said and now i'm in a bad mood. it sure doesn't help. i know this whole stupid bah hum bug feeling will go away...when i can hear from him =)

so everyone else have a better Valentine's weekend...

Birthday Weekend

This weekend has truly been a blast! Still can't believe that I am 40 years old, I don't "feel" it at all! I wasn't really sure how it was all gonna work out with my variety of friends that I have made here in KY and my ft. hood ladies but there were no problems and it all worked out great!

Friday, I went into work with a balloon on my chair, desk decorated and my sweet friend made me a homemade Birthday cake and brought me a present. Another coworker who hasn't even been there long brought me the cutest little coffee cup with beautiful flowers in it! I got a card from all coworkers and we happen to get pizza from our bosses to celebrate the Superbowl weekend so Free food LOL...

My phone does not work in our building so at lunch time I had noticed that my husband tried to call. I was so upset cause I had just missed it by 2 minutes. I tried to go by the exit door to get service and my boss found me saying I had a call (so confused and scared cause I never get calls like that).... but my sweet SOLDIER was so determined to talk to me on my birthday he called my emergency number I gave him before he left to my HR supervisor. I am so glad they were understanding and so happy that I got to hear his voice. I love that man so much! He made my day! At that moment, I decided NO ONE was going to ruin my weekend! Hey, my husband said I could have the whole month if I wanted too lol I might take him up on that!

After work, I went to happy hour with 2 coworkers and a wife, then my military couple bff came and had a great time. I laughed so much and knew this is exactly what I needed! But then as I started my way home, it started... my emotions just went nuts and I cried so hard. UGH, I wiped away my tears before I walked in my door cause I didn't want my nephew to see....

So, when I got home, my SWEET 17yr old nephew surprised me with some flowers and a sweet card! Ugh I love that kid! I cried like a big ol baby.. he didn't have to do that. That kid is so thoughtful and I am so very lucky to have him living with me!

So Saturday night I met my military wives and the 5 of us went out for sushi! lol of course! Then we went to a local bar and it was fun, we gotta dance! But of course living in a dry county, this little country club bar closed at midnight and we were not ready to end our night. SOOOOO, we went back to post and decided to try our local bar. UGHGHGH, needless to say it was GHETTO! Not ghetto fabulous but ghetto in what we saw girls wearing. And realized that more locals seem to go there. BUT WHY THE HELL IS IT THAT THEY STAY OPEN TIL 4AM? really? Couldn't believe it. We ended up staying in a corner and playing pool, people watched, saw some Officer wives wearing crazy outfits, doing stuff I'm embarrassed to say, and saw some I knew that I wanted to say, UM, NO Ma'am! Needless to say, we wont be going back there! We went back to my friends house and snacked on our left overs from the Sushi place and ended the night! I had a great time!

Today, I am hanging out with my nephew, washin clothes, cleaning the house some, and later watching the Superbowl! Love that its in Texas! Woop Woop! Hope everyone has had a great weekend!

My Party...

..this is suppose to be the best week for me but all i can think about is NOT being able to speak to my best friend now for now over 3 weeks. this is MY week. i am so tired of everyone telling me to be strong. seriously? haven't i been strong? can't i express my sulky, sad, not happy feelings if i want to? i guess i sound like a broken record and i'm sure i'm getting on some peoples nerves but SHIT, it's my birthday dammit and i want to speak to my husband! i think i'm entitled to be a "bah hum bug" for my own party!


..this isn't just any birthday, this is my 40th birthday. the big one that i would love to share with my man. YES, i am having my little pity party but hey i'm allowed. i have plans to hang out with some co-workers and army wives. so i won't be alone. i am going to make the best of it.

and....i got a call this morning! all worries are OUT THE WINDOW! whoo hooo! it's My Party weekend, my birthday and I am going to have fun no matter what!